Talking to oneself

Here you talk to yourself. It doesn't have to be understandable for others because you write for yourself, but it can be... entertaining if you make it able for others to follow your thoughts
This thread is created for those who's really bored... and want to do something funny/interesting/intelligent/something else, but... well, I think you understand. If not, pm me and I maybe will give a better explaination.

What if... an egg were the world? Then I could eat it and leave the potatoes behind, because one won't need to catch them then. Burning blood and smoking breed! If fishes won't cry, I would tear 'im apart and find the hidden door to the bathroom, without using a pitchfork! And... have I really bought a wooden lapstick into our cave? Oh, darn it! Next time I will call you before killing innocent dogfood. Yes, cremé a la dead is used twice, but only if you ask it about the weather.
Born without hollows, in the end of a holiday, brought into a wallpaper full of sand. The only thing I could say then was something about nephews in a carpet, far far away... But hey! Who am I to say lipsticks's once more hallowed? Allow me to thank myself, because of the misplaced comment about rats. Yes, it's rather an upsetting theme, but kids won't puke around just for an adoring thing made in the midnight? Would they? I am so sorry about that. Next time I will unveil myself to a better replacement.

Where the heck is my bouncing cat?

I asked the green man in the corner:
"Clowns from Mars? You kidding me?"
The coatman answers me:
"Don't listen to him, he's just bored."
"Is that true", I said with a broed stare.
"Kill off the junkies!" a random man shouts.
"Please, can someone silence that man?" said the coatman, and stared then at the lunatic, weapon wearing man in the shadows. "But not you."
"Don't blame me for something I don't even thought of", told the lunatic.
"W-w-why d-does ev-everyb-b-body has t-t-t-to be loud?" stammered the green man in the corner.
Then an akward silence began.
"At least I know I'm with idiots", I sighed.

"Havoc by the sea, gentl'men", toasted the bearded sailor in the pyjamas.
After a gaze at him drinking his glass of vodka, and then muttered:
"Another idiot joining, how hilarious."
Because of this statement the lunatic laughed, in his outloud and mad way.
"Well", began the coated man sarcastic, "the asylum is around the corner."
The sailor shaked sadly on his head, while I gave him a bored gaze. And when the lunatic finally stopped laughing, he said:
"Two shots in the air for this."
He picked up his enormous pistol and did as he said. The shots gave one almost headache.
"P-please... stop-p it", whispered the green man in the corner.